We’re not athletes … we’re drunk guys with balls

Well, HOlympics V is over. This past Saturday, our annual celebration of sports athletic-like endeavors occurred, with 11 of us getting all-too-close to the top of that hill guys congregated at Bloser Arena (that is, my buddy Jim’s place) to compete, drink and talk a LOT of shit to and about each other. Like the four previous events, this one was full of more mouth than prowess, more beer than common sense and some truly spectacular displays of ‘recreational activities’ (c’mon … you can’t call darts a ‘sport’, can you?).

Unlike year’s past, HOlympics V did NOT start off in the early morning with a form of golf. Instead, we arrived a decent hour (or half-past decent, since half of the people were late), and started our day with the outdoor events, as the weather was predicted to be in the mid-to-high 90’s with high humidity. Luckily, the outdoor ‘sports’ had been truncated anyway, leaving us with horseshoes, basketball shooting and target shooting (using a BB gun and target taped to a tree. We’re high class all the way). Even at 10 a.m., it was evident that doing outdoors stuff early was a great idea – it was already sweat-dripping hot and even the beers couldn’t keep us fully cool.

I wasn’t expecting much out of the first three events – I knew that I would do decently at horseshoes, but the BB gun competition was more of a crap shoot (get it?) and I’m normally ATROCIOUS at shooting hoops. But I actually did pretty well at hoops, which surprised me though my expectations elsewhere were pretty on the mark.

And away they go

The second segment of the day involved the ‘away’ games: go-kart racing and bowling. So, we packed up in 3 cars to grab some food and then get in some souped-up, Indy-style go-karts to race around the track for the chance to have the fastest lap time. I started near the back of the pack but had a great time as I darted in and out of the slower and less-experienced drivers (I have all of 3 times under my belt now), garnering the 4th best lap time of the group. I know that it sounds silly, but those go-karts are quite fun to race around the circuit, skidding around turns and accelerating around the straight-aways as you gun toward slipping past your opponent.

Bowling … well, we weren’t quite as successful at bowling – mostly because our ‘planning’ for this even was a little loose, and it turns out that Saturdays are league days. Hence, we weren’t able to get a lane and complete this event. Note for next year … plan ahead.

Back to the Arena

Thus, it was back to the house for the indoor events: ping pong, darts, foosball and beer pong, followed by our annual HOlympics Hold ‘Em Poker tournament event. I was struggling early with my scores, but this was my chance to shine. I’m usually a contender in darts, have never finished less than 3rd in poker and figured that my college days would have me prepped for beer pong. Well, 2 out of 3 isn’t bad.

Ping Pong: Easily my weakest event – I don’t think I’ve EVER won a game at this event. And this year was no exception as I lost 21-11 in the first round. Then I faced our overall foosball champion in the first round, and lost 5-3. Ouch – two first round outs. Well, at least I had my strong events coming up. Or so I thought. The first one up was beer pong, and I was up when Gary came out of nowhere with 3 straight hits. I came back but not enough as he upset me in the first round (I felt only slightly less bad when the youngest of the competitors – an avid beer ponger – also lost to Gary). So, 3 indoor events and 3 first-round bounces. Not good.

But I salvaged the day in my two strongest events. I sailed through the competition in darts, winning our Cricket-style games fairly handily to run the table and take first place. Then came the drunken spectacle that was poker. Drunken, at least, from one player’s less-than-sober perspective, that is. We were all remarkably un-drunk, but one player was … well, laying down at the table. And yet he still finished 2nd … to me. So, I ended the night with two 1st-place wins, but it wasn’t enough to pull me out of 5th place, 0.5 points behind the person ahead of me.

Well, that’s just incentive for next year…

The Official Tally

Event Winners

  • Basketball: Jim
  • Horseshoes: Joe
  • Target Shooting: Jim
  • Go-Karts: Steve
  • Bowling: n/a
  • Ping Pong: Krishna
  • Beer Pong: Gary
  • Darts: Marty
  • Foosball: Steve
  • Poker: Marty

Final Standings

  1. Name – Points
  2. Jim – 64.5
  3. Fred – 52.5
  4. Steve / Dave (tie) – 50.5
  5. Joe – 50
  6. Marty – 49.5
  7. Krishna – 45.5
  8. Gary – 42.5
  9. Josh – 34.5
  10. Austin – 31

5 Responses to “We’re not athletes … we’re drunk guys with balls

  • what’s your best finish at the HOlympics?

    I do dig that Baseball Boss thingy

  • Man, that sounds like a lot of fun. At least you won a couple of events. I probably would’ve done best at the ping pong, although I haven’t played for years. I can be OK at darts sometimes and sometimes I just suck. Anyway, sounds like you had a great time.

  • Van – I think I finished 4th one year, but I’d have to see if he still has the past rankings. Usually we have 14-16 guys, so this was a down year (it conflicted with another event and was late in the planning).

    Michael – Maybe you can come out to participate next year. Van, too.

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