Cold as… [insert expletive here]

Did I mention I’m not a big winter fan?

Okay, it now qualifies as f@#$in’ cold out. You know it’s bad when you can’t even do the 4-block walk from the train to work without stopping into a cafe for a tea and a thawing. I’m so glad my wife suggested the sweater instead of the t-shirt and collared shirt thing. It’s even cold IN the office, especially my little corner of it. But I’ve come up with some ways to keep yourself warm, at the office, at home and in between:

At Home

  • Cover the bedspread in catnip to get all of the cats to lay on you, sharing their warmth.
  • Use junk mail to create a bonfire – if you’re like us, the weekly volume shoudl be good for a couple hours worth.
  • Get some hand warmers and tape them to your body like a nicotene patch.

At the Office

  • Hang out in the server room – at a constant 40-some degrees, it’s probably warmer than your office.
  • Only go to the bathroom (the ‘deuce’), after someone else has warmed up the seat (following the normal ‘toilet waiting period’, of course)
  • Coffee/Hot Tea IV – warmth (and caffeine) directly to the bloodstream.

Between

  • Huddle in a thick blanket as you walk. Bonus: If you mumble to yourself, other people might get out of your way, making the trip quicker.
  • Stop for coffee/tea/muffins every few blocks. Sure, you’ll be late, but at least you won’t be cold.

Super Bowl Ads

Well, as Super Bowl XLI passes, we have once again been underwhelmed both by the game AND the ads that were supposed to be worth $2.6M/30-second slot. To be honest, I didn’t see ANY worth that much coin, although some were amusing. My personal Top and Bottom 5:

Top VI

  1. Blockbuster: Mouse – I thought this was the most amusing ad, myself.
  2. Bud Light: Hitchiker – The best of the A-B ads, in my opinion.
  3. Bud Light: Rock, Paper, Scissors and Bud Light: Wedding Reception – Not as good as in the past, but still better than most of this year’s crop.
  4. Fed Ex: Moon Office – I actually like this one, believe it or not.
  5. Nationwide: K-Fed – This was a great lampooning of this guy. I guess he’ll take the remainder of his 15 minutes however he can get it.
  6. *honorable mention: BeatYourRisk.com – I didn’t think this one was as bad as some of the Ad-Raters did. But I’m biased: my company helped create this ad. It might have been just a bit long for my taste, though.

Bottom V

  1. SalesGenie.com – I swear to God that I thought this was a Grecian Formule or Just For Men commercial until the end. Just HORRIBLE.
  2. Snickers: Man Kiss – Disturbing in every way. I’m all for turning the tables (the Chevy man-washing car was funny), but this was just dumb.
  3. GoDaddy.com – Okay, we get it. Girls in scanty clothes. That commercial however many years ago. Now shut up about it already.
  4. Sierra Mist: Combover and Sierra Mist: Karate – I just couldn’t pick which was worse. They both sucked big time.
  5. Van Heusen: A Man’s Walk – You’re going to spend all of that money, and this is the best you can do?

For Amusement Purposes Only


4 Responses to “Cold as… [insert expletive here]”

  • mon@rch Says:

    LOL, It is very cold out there! BRR! Hey, also burn up all my junk mail in the fire place! We area always getting reports that our server room is too warm, today was our first error of being too cold! Can you believe that?? Will check out some of those good tv clips, I missed that mouse one!

  • Apertome Says:

    Oh wow … I’m lucky to be extremely warm-blooded. I’m rarely cold — except at work. I know if I’m cold, most other people must really be suffering. True, my desk is right by a door, but even so … it’s ridiculous. And somehow, I’m never smart enough to wear or bring a sweater. Partially, I just don’t own many, since I’m never cold. Oops.

    This mild winter isn’t helping, either, I can tolerate cold well once I get used to it. Now, I’m not so used to it, and it’s … well, cold.

    I am glad we’ve had some snow lately. My philosophy is that if it’s going to be miserable outside, it might as well be pretty, too.

  • Marty Says:

    Tom – whoops, I just realized that my link was wrong for that one. It’s fixed now.

    Michael – I’m always cold. I much prefer 90 degrees and 25% humidity to anything under 55 degrees. But you’re right – if it’s going to miserably cold, we should at least have a good dumping of snow. We’ve gotten nothing but a tease at this point.

  • furiousball Says:

    I’m the same as Michael, in fact, I still haven’t worn anything heavier than a sweater outside. On runs and bike rides, I’ve got my underarmor and a heavy shirt on, but that’s it. Dana calls me her heater. I’m popular with the wife and kids this time of year for snuggling.

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.