Porn Buddy

*this is a somewhat NSFW post*. You may want to skip it if you’re faint of heart or easily offended.

I think that almost everyone – at least most guys – has this person in their life: the friend who forwards on the NSFW materials like dirty jokes, videos of dumb people riding bikes into glass walls and, of course, risque images and/or videos.

In my case, it’s my friend “M” who sends me a varied number of odd things via email. Some of them are rather interesting (in a truly ‘things that make you go hmm’ sense, like the woman who could twirl tassles with each breast independently), some of it is generic and some of it – well, some of it makes you wish you could poke out your mind’s eye. I never know what’s going to show up in the spurts of 2-4 emails I get when he sends stuff on a variety of topics. Unlike my various relatives who send me urban legends, dumb jokes and cat pictures, his stuff usually is of a higher, focused quality, designed to tantalize or make me cringe purposely – he is, after all, a discerning porn buddy. Heck, some of the stuff is so amusing that my wife will actually stop over for a look before walking away, shaking her head and mumbling on the quality of my friends.

But it’s rare that something comes along that makes me pause. I usually open it, look/watch once (or less, depending) and then delete it, occassionally sending back a harassing email about how I never want to see an naked overweight Elvis convention photo again. But the email I got the other day was of a completely different nature.

FR: M
TO: Marty
SUBJECT: Isn't this your ex?


At first, I figured it would be a picture of a gorilla in a thong, more naked overweight Elvises or a toothless 95-year-old woman standing nude. But no – included was a couple pictures of a nude woman about my age in some rather suggestive poses. And I’ll be damned if it didn’t look like one of my ex-girlfriends who we both knew. It couldn’t really be her, right? Well, it sure looked a lot like her, the scenery (a kitchen) was a dead ringer for her house, and the name on the photos was a slight variation on her real name (what, she never heard of the porn star name generator?). As I looked closer – and how could I not – I got a feeling of … well, humor, horror, amusement and curiosity came over me. As much as I couldn’t believe it, I actually think it might have been her. It’s especially a surprise because she was a good Catholic girl, and this would be about the last thing I could have ever imagined her doing. Then again, she did do some modeling and wanted to get into it further; she was also quite a flirt and a show-off when we were at the beach. Who knows the truth, but it definitely was not what I was expecting.

There’s actually another – an perhaps better – definition of the term “Porn Buddy”. On the hilarious BBC comedy series Coupling, one of the characters tries to explain it to his friend’s new girlfriend:

Jeff: Well, I amporn buddy.
Susan: His what?
Jeff: In the event of Steve’s death, the first thing I will do, upset though I will be, is go straight to his house and remove all the pornography before his parents can find it. And he’s pledged to do the same for me. That’s how close we are!
Susan: You guys have seriously made arrangements to destroy your dirty mags?
Jeff: Who said destroy? “Remove.”
Susan: Yeah, well you wouldn’t keep them… would you?
Jeff: It’s a perk.
Susan: Oh, Jeff…
Jeff: That’s the beauty of it, you see? Your best friend’s dead, but there’s a bright side!

He later continues on how it really is a public service, because when you do this, you get out all of the incriminating evidence before the friend’s parents arrive – so that they can continue to believe that their son would never engage in such depravity. If you’ve never seen this series, you really need to – it just might be the funniest comedy ever done (at least the first 2 seasons).

Coupling – Series I   –   Buy on Amazon   –   Read My Review
Coupling – Series II   –   Buy on Amazon   –   Read My Review
Coupling – Series III   –   Buy on Amazon   –   Read My Review
Coupling – Complete Series   –   Buy on Amazon