Shifty, Beady Eyes

I just saw Sarah’s post about Things of Which I Am Suspicious, and thought I’d give it a go…

  • Politicians Speaking. I’m wary of them at all other times, but when they open their mouths, I really start to wonder.
  • Anything with the words “Clinically Proven to…”, because they never really seem to have ever met a physician.
  • Twinkies. What are they? What exactly is this fabled ‘enzymatic process’ that forms them?
  • Bill O’Reilly. I mean, have you ever listened to him? This guy is the Republican Kucinich, but a little more out there. And, by extension, Fox News as a whole.
  • Family Circus, because when was the last time this was actually funny – and yet it still has a massive distribution.
  • Groups with “Family” in the name, because too often their view of the word is despicably narrow.
  • Ticket Brokers. Why is it that any show sells out in 10 minutes, but ticket brokers immediately have a ton of them available at 3x the original ticket price? Any why isn’t the industry cracking down on them? If I tried to sell my Eagles ticket for more than a buck more than face value, I get arrested; but they can charge you $150 for a $50 ticket and nothing happens.
  • Restaurants with fly strips. If that’s what they’re willing to show you, do you really want to know what’s in the back?
  • The Burger King and Howard Eskin

  • Howard Eskin. FRAUD.
  • The Burger King. There’s something really wrong with that guy. REALLY wrong.
  • Football betting pick ads on WIP. Come on, folks – figure it out, will ya? They split the game 50-50, and hope that they get repeat business because of their ‘amazing knowledge’ when they get it right.
  • Florida State fans – I forget, do they have more national championships or former players on Death Row?
  • Meats with fruits. The two should not meet, ever. Prosciutto is awesome, so why ruin it by wrapping it around melon; I like a good ham, but the moment you put pineapple on it, you’ve lost me; and what the hell is the point of a blueberry sauce on a steak – it’s heresy, I tell you.
  • Platypuses. Duck bill, beaver tail, poison spines, lays eggs. Does that sound trustworthy to you?

Quote of the Day

Courtesy of Van – “Dick’s Sporting Goods Acquires Chick’s Sporting Goods – that’s right Chicks with Dicks”


4 Responses to “Shifty, Beady Eyes

  • dude, Eskins new harido is even more disturbing. it’s like the Burger King decided to be a surfer all the sudden

  • Great list! I just did one myself. These are fun.

  • That’s a great list! I’m with you on the fly strips in restaurants as well as meats with fruits. There is one exception I have to my “fruit should never be cooked with meat” rule — pineapple with sweet and sour pork. I’ll tolerate it but I’d prefer the groups separate.

  • Dude. I just bought some gummy worms in your honor. I had been thinking about gummy bears since I saw your photos the other day. They had gummy bears too, but I prefer worms. I don’t know what that says about me. Hope you have a good weekend. I’m gonna go eat worms …

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